Volume one: [ The four keys to fulfilment, happiness and the Law Of Attraction || Stop fighting life – Acceptance || Do something else.., anything else – Distraction || Be grateful for what you have – Appreciation || Let go of needing – Detachment || You really can have what you want ]
Volume two: [ Detachment as a way of life || Using the four keys || The detached anticipation process ]
If only all we needed was four keys to feeling fulfilled and happy. I’ve got more keys than that just on my house keyring!
Don’t confuse the title of this article with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
ADHD is a label given to people who seem to not bend to the rules of what society accepts as proper focus and not making a scene (my words).
ADAD is an idea I came up with years ago while experimenting with principles of the Law Of Attraction and manifesting. It’s an easy way to remember the four keys.
I am playing a bit on the known affliction with this term of course and I respect those who work with such people and get amazing results.
I have to say though regarding the ADHD disorder, that I feel such labels are sometimes an excuse to say “Hey, I don’t know how to handle you so I’m just going to label you as broken.”
Really!? I think we can do better than that.
The four keys to fulfilment, happiness and the Law Of Attraction
All of the following keys are in effect ways to feel good. That is really THE key here. And feeling good is really the key to positive results with the Law Of Attraction and manifesting; not to mention being happy. So long as you ground that feeling with action of course. No action.., no traction!
The law of attraction in basic terms is like the saying that ‘You get back what you put out’. The difference for those who choose to go deeply into the idea is that this ‘attraction’ happens on a vibrational level and not just a physical one.
So for example, if you start your day in an angry mood you will tend to attract angry events to match that vibration. It’s not the goal of this article to prove or disprove that idea. Suffice to say that I’m sure you’ve had the experience of thinking something and having that very thing (like a phone call from a friend you just thought of) happen almost miraculously. Either way the goal of feeling better and more fulfilled is a worthy one.
Success in one area leads to success in many area’s
If you take even one of the four ideas that I am about to discuss to it’s limit and really embrace what it means, then the other three will automatically be present. And by doing this you will be living by the basic principal that feeling good is the goal in itself. Any way you get there and stay there on a consistent basis is going to dramatically change your life for the better. Take all four and really embrace them and you will have multiple angles to the result of feeling good and leading a happy fulfilled life.
So what does ADAD stand for?
Acceptance – of what is.
Distraction – from what you don’t prefer.
Appreciation – of what you do prefer.
Detachment – from it needing to be any different.
Lets look at each one of these to define what I mean…
Stop fighting life – Acceptance
“Listen! It is what it is! You can either fight with life and continue to lose; or you can let where you are be ok, and move forward from there. Seriously.., if you’re spending time whining about your life, STOP IT!!!” Or I’ll sneak up behind you and slap you with a wet fish 🙂
Acceptance is being at cause rather than effect. In other words accepting that where you are is just that, where you are. It has no bearing on your future unless you choose it to be. And more importantly, it is within your control to change it or at least do the best you can with what you have. It’s about being respons-able (able to respond) for where you are.
You can’t change what you don’t own!
In a literal sense it goes further than that. True acceptance is seeing everything as valid in some context.
Lets diverse into woo woo land for a second. At the base of reality, positive experience is integrating, expanding and including by nature.., while negative experience is segregating, contracting and excluding by nature.
Other than that, they are just value judgements. To invalidate anything/make it wrong, is to give it energy that it doesn’t deserve. Have you heard the saying that what you resist persists?
In Law Of Attraction terms, and indeed in terms of feeling motivated to take action.., focusing on something with anger or fear or any other negatively labelled emotion is just not useful.
When you accept something as ok; you allow the energy to flow and pass you by, which makes focusing on what you prefer easy.
Acceptance is not apathy
To be clear; this isn’t accepting that you have to have this thing in your life that you don’t want. This isn’t apathy or giving up. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in and say NO! This is accepting that it exists (and even has a right to), but that you prefer something else and are not going to give your energy to that unwanted thing any more.
Only by being ok with what is, do you have true choice about what you prefer.
Anything less than totally being ok with what is, is not completely allowing yourself the power and ability to change it!
Denying where you are will only lead to more frustration and pain. Accept it as your situation to change.
Do something else.., anything else – Distraction
“Excuse me world; I’m just going to go over here and bliss out for a while. I’ll see you later.”
Distraction from what you don’t like or what makes you feel like crap can be used as an escape in the positive sense once acceptance is in place. You know where you are but just can’t seem to get any idea’s to change it. So this is where you do something that changes your state and makes you feel better.
Choose distractions because they sound like fun or are good for your mind/body and not because you can’t face your life (an acceptance issue).
Meditation is a common way to do this. When you meditate you disconnect from the often hectic world and thoughts and emerge feeling more calm and centred.
You don’t have to meditate to positively distract yourself though. You can read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk, listen to music, or any number of things to feel better.
Break the pattern of thought
The key here is to do something other than spend more time in a negative state. This and the following appreciation step are the most talked about in LOA (Law Of Attraction) circles. It’s about raising your vibrational frequency/emotional state to a point where inspired action comes from. You can’t spend all your day taking action toward solving your problems without getting drawn into the negativity of them. So you need to have a few ways to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy. The resulting positive state will bring inspired idea’s to you that simply aren’t accessible when you’re feeling down.
Thoughts are energy too
Good thoughts and idea’s find it hard to find you when you are not feeling good.
I know this sounds like a chicken and egg question of what came first. But trust me.., when you make decisions while feeling good, they have a higher chance of being good decisions! And when you make decisions while feeling bad, they have a higher chance of being bad decisions! Simple eh.
So take time and have idea’s in mind of how you can distract yourself from what you don’t prefer in your life.
Be grateful for what you have – Appreciation
“I love how good I feel when I walk in the park and see squirrels playing; squirrels are soo cool.”
Appreciation is the most talked about way to enjoy life and get the most out of the LOA.
It really is a no brainer. When you appreciate/are grateful for, the things you already have, you feel good about yourself and life. And in that state/vibration you will tend to attract and notice more to be grateful for as well.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude
This isn’t about finding huge things to be grateful for either. You can appreciate the small things to. Like that friend who makes you laugh; the sandwich you had for lunch; the trees and birds; being warm, dry and full of food!
Make appreciating the small stuff a habit and the big stuff will show up.
The last D of ADAD is where I believe many people fail in the LOA, manifesting, and in being consistently happy.
This really deserves it’s own article so I’m going to go into this in a bit more depth.
Let go of needing – Detachment
“Maybe that person I like will notice me.., maybe not; either way I’m going to have an awesome day!”
Detachment could be seen as similar in ways to acceptance; but with an understanding of the subtle differences it becomes a powerful understanding in it’s own right.
Lets get straight to the point here, if you need something to be true for you in order to be happy and fulfilled; you are holding that very thing away from you by thinking about it from a place of fear, powerlessness and doubt!
Want what you have
The quickest and most enjoyable way to have the life you want is to embrace the life you already have, and let go of it needing to be any different.
Buddhist teachers talk of attachment being the cause of all suffering. And I think that for the most part that is an accurate statement. Of course it’s a stretch to say that someone going hungry is suffering because they have an attachment to food; but it is still valid.
From a purely feeling standpoint, needing something that you don’t have is like worrying about something only to find it doesn’t happen. You torture yourself in effect. Like the classic saying that ‘a coward dies a thousand deaths while the courageous person only once’.
This is about how you feel about what you want; how you resonate with it.
Almost like giving up, but happily
How many times have you wanted something really badly, and gotten to the point of giving up; only to then have it happen almost like magic!?
Or what about when there’s something you want to get or someone you want to talk to; and you put it aside and forget about it, only to have it almost miraculously turn up or the person contact you!
That’s what happens when you let go and detach from needing to get what you want.
What’s going on is that by giving up looking for what you want, the energy changes. From feeling desperate and fearful that you won’t get what you want, to a feeling of peace with what is and faith that whatever turns up in the future will be perfect just as it is. You open your mind to what has in effect always been there. And boy does it feel good to stop constantly thinking about not having something.
Detachment doesn’t mean you let go of wanting, or become a quitter
Neither is it being resignant about life and down on yourself. Letting go of needing has a different feeling to it. It actually feels freeing and empowering. Like a weight has been lifted off you. If you think back on your life you can probably remember times when you have let go of needing something (or someone, lol) and how much better you felt because of it.
Excitement and anticipation are still present with detachment; in fact those feelings are MORE frequent because you are excited about WHATEVER happens not about what MUST happen.
A friend of mine and his partner were trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for almost a year when they decided to stop trying and re-visit the idea next year. Less than two weeks after they gave up, she was pregnant! Cool stuff like that happens all the time when you detach from needing what you want. It’s time to happily let go and let life bring you experiences and situations that make your current idea’s of joy look quite ordinary by comparison.
You really can have what you want
Life is not cruel.., you can believe it is though. Life does not dangle things in front of you that you can’t ever have (as long as it’s realistic for your lifetime).
You can’t imagine non existence! So if you can imagine having it; you can (assuming no physical limitations) manifest having it.
The Law Of Attraction as it is generally understood says that life is always offering you want you want. You just have to get out of the way and stop holding what you want at bay by feeling frustrated and hopeless. Remember this is just vibrational physics. Magic stuff will happen; but it’s really not about magic. It’s about being in the state of mind of already having what you want. And the state of mind of already having what you want, is a state of mind where you feel good! Good feelings with good actions attract good things.
You CAN have what you want. You need to understand though that thinking about what you want while feeling badly about not having it, is unlikely to do it!
And you need to release the details of how you get what you want and exactly what it looks like. It may be far better than you imagine and have ways of getting to you that you haven’t thought of.
It’s about trusting your power
Attachment is about fear, doubt, frustration and unworthiness. It’s powerlessness. Someone or something outside of you is in control of what you get and have.
Detachment is about trust, choice, preference and self respect. It’s a feeling of commonality for what you want. It’s no big thing; you’ll have it if it serves your greater good.
You create your life as it is whether you like to believe that fact or not. Needing some external validation to tell you that, is giving over your power as a creator to those that do believe they are in control.
And here’s the irony…
The more you let go of control; the more control you have
When you want something from a place of need, you are in effect saying to the universe “give me what I want even though I’m holding myself away from it by focusing on the lack of it”. With attachment to a specific result, you are attempting to micro manage the process of creation while doubting your ability to create it. What a raw deal that is!
Don’t confuse love with attachment to your partner! They are not the same thing. Strain on the relationship will most likely be the result of feeling that you NEED your partner in order to feel complete (which is what I’m meaning by this use of attachment).
Next week in volume two, I take the deceptively powerful idea of detachment and teach you a technique for making this habit a part of your life.